I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
