ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
