We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize