So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
