Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
