After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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