We're facebook friends in real life
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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