My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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