i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
