I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
