All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
