Those balls look pretty dangerous.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
