You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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