I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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