Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
