I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry about my life...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
