My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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