dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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