We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
