He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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