I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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