She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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