You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
