Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
