yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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