So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
