We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
