3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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