So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
