there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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