Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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