can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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