I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
