I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
