Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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