I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
