the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
