so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
