You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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