If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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