once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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