oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
