I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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