Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
