guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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