went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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