So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
