Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
