I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
