is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
