Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dear god my vagina.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
