so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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