Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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