Just cropdusted the office
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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