everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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