her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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