id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
