I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
