"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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