i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
