This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
