I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
