i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
