she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize