I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
