i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
