I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
