I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
