It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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