Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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