I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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