Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
