I'm going to jail i love you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
