I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
