I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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