Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
