so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
