That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
