So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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