so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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