Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
